Grieving Triggers

Who would have even thought the triggers would come at random times all day? I expected singing in church to be difficult because of the amazing bass voice now absent from my side. But this morning in helping a friend take care of her nephews, 6 month-old twin boys, the trigger hit when we needed to change their diapers. Taking care of a stroke patient meant doing a lot of just that for the man I loved for over 50 years. Memories are everywhere--and they should be. We married when I was 21 years old moving me from my parents house to a new marriage with my husband. I had never lived alone--until now. I had never had no one to talk to in the house--until now. I had never cried so randomly--until now. Sitting at his desk is even difficult because it was his desk. Sleeping in our bed with one side empty is hard. Having only my clothes in the closet is just not right. Cooking for one is quite a change. Seeing a couple anywhere breaks my heart. Triggers--those little things that hit you when you least expect it and cause the tears to start flowing. I think I will have them the rest of my life!