I'll Keep My Grief!

As I was reading in one of my grief books this evening, I ran across this quote:

Don't let anyone take your grief away from you. You deserve it, and you must have it. If you had a broken leg, no one would criticize you for using crutches until it was healed. If you had major surgery, no one would pressure you to run in a marathon the next week.Grief is a major wound. It does not heal overnight. You must have the time and the crutches until you heal.
~Doug Manning from Don't Take My Grief Away, p. 65

Wow, as I read this simple quote, I realized how profound it really is. This is so true. When you have a physical wound, it takes time and treatment. I remember when I had my knee replaced almost exactly 10 years ago now. The first week was pretty horrific with pain as I tried to move it again. Physical therapy was torture for the first week or so. I used a walker to get around and took it easy. I rode a stationary bike for an hour a day for 6 months to get back to easy walking. It was about 1 and a half years before I felt normal.

Grief is a huge wound. Jerry was a part of my life for over 50 years when you count our courtship. I met him when I was 20 years old --the only years of my 72 without Jerry in it were those first 20--until now. Tomorrow will be 6 months since my sweet guy went home to sing in the heavenly choir. The house is quiet. My heart is bleeding from the wound of his death. But I must grieve in order to come to a place of healing. I must cry when I worship to get to the point some day that I can worship without crying. I must feel a pang of grief when I see a couple holding hands. I must hurt when I see a post on Facebook about a date night with their spouse. I must ache when I finish getting dressed and I don't hear my sweetie say, "Hello gorgeous!"

But I must grieve. Allow me to grieve. Let me grieve. Don't try to stop the tears or the hard Sundays. Don't take away my grief!

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2a, 4a  - "For everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven; a time to be born, and a time to die, . . .a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, . . ." 

In my CaringBridge journal, I always ended with a thankful list. Yes this blog is about my grieving process; however there are so many things to be thankful every day in the midst of my grieving.

Today I am thankful for:
1. My time today with the twins I am helping my friend's mom with--they are 6-month old adorable babies.
2. Getting to see Suzi in her performance of "Into the Woods" this afternoon.
3. Taking my 83-year old neighbor with me to the play.
4. Yogurt at Braum's.
5. Wonderful garden time this morning and evening.
6. Sweet memories of Jerry today.
7. Planning my trip to Colorado next week (leaving on Monday).
8. God's presence in my life every day keeping me from being lonely.
9. Prayer to keep me connected with God.
10. My time of grieving because it is my time of healing.