My Grieving Progress

So far, I have attended two of the GriefShare sessions on Monday nights. Yes, I have enjoyed the sessions listening to many people share their stories of the grief process for them. As I listened and have gone through the exercises designed for during the week, it seems I am farther along in the process than others with the same time since their loved one passed. Why I asked myself? Here is the reason I have come up with in my thinking.

The day I lost Jerry in reality was not December 30, 2017 but February 24, 2016--the day of his bilateral thalamic stroke. The man I sat by in the hospital room, held hands with, kissed at his encouragement, and listened to him starting to sing again was not my Jerry before the stroke. That whole Jerry with his brain working intact able to think clearly, remember people and places, pass on wisdom, and love the teens he was working in his daughter's classroom, able to get up walk, read, and sing at the drop of the hat was gone that day. He would never return. My grieving started that day.

But God blessed me/us with 22 months to enjoy the man He gave the privilege to care for until the rest of him died December 30, 2017. Those 22 months turned out to be the climax of our 50.5 years of marriage together. During that time, God blessed me with learning the true meaning of "in sickness and in health" while He gave me the strength to daily care for Jerry whether it was in the hospital, skilled nursing, or at home. He gave me challenges to strengthen me along the way but always provided me the solutions.

The relationship we had during our 22 months together was blessed in so many ways. Jerry grew to totally depend on me for his physical, emotional, and spiritual needs and never wanted to be separated from me. He acknowledged I was his advocate as he heard me fighting for him on many occasions. We hugged, kissed, had times of intimacy, prayed, walked together, sat in the garden together, went out together in the afternoons, worshiped together (often just the two of us), talked about heaven together, about his dying, about my living, and totally shared every moment of our lives together. God was amazing to give us that time to end our physical relationship here together.

That last week when Jerry was in Hospice, God even gave us a hour to talk at 11:45 p.m. -12:45 a.m. about our life together, his imminent departure to heaven, and openly share our fears and love. The night Jerry went home, I held his hand all night and into the morning he passed to the next life. The crying has not ended nor do I expect it ever will. However, what a gift God blessed us with that so many couples/parents/friends do not get to experience together--22 months to slowly grieve the loss of a precious loved one. This gift has helped me prepare to share my story with anyone who will listen as God gave me a purpose to live beyond Jerry's death. Our testimony is powerful of God's faithfulness.

Habakkuk 3:18 - "Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior." Rejoicing seems a strange emotion for a recent widow and yet, my God has given me many reasons to rejoice. Our 22 months was precious. It's end meant Jerry's beginning of his new life. Some day, I will join him there. Until then, my job is to share what God did for us with others. I will rejoice through my tears!