Preparing to Grieve

Do you have to get ready to grieve? Not sure what the process is but being the planner, organizer, educator that I am, it seems needed. Of course, I have grieved since the first day when Jerry had the stroke. We all knew that day, Jerry would eventually succumb to the stroke. None of us, especially the medical team, could guess it would last 22 months. These were precious months for us to love this man, pamper him, enjoy him, and enjoy his presence. But the time did come when he went home to sing in the heavenly choir. On that day, my grieving moved to a new dimension--a totally new dimension.

Of course, I had grieved the loss of others in my life. There was my grandfather who died suddenly in his sleep when I was only 8 years old. My two grandmothers died, elderly and very different. My paternal grandmother was a quiet homemaker. I enjoyed sitting at her feet hours for hours watching her knit, crochet, or hand sew. I enjoyed her homemade bread and many other dishes she prepared. My maternal grandmother was quite different. She had been a teacher in public school of art and music. She taught me many crazy songs and was forever sketching scenes of what she would see out a window. On trips, she would sit in the car and start drawing when the trip began. By the time we arrived, she had a scene of the whole trip little by little. She also intensely taught me high school Old Testament Bible Credit.

Our 6-year old neighbor who was my daughter's best friend was run over by a school bus while we all watched. Then we experienced grieving as  a family for that precious soul who was taken much too early. A very difficult death was my mother's from pancreatic cancer. She was my support in so many ways. She died over 34 years ago and a huge hole is still felt in my heart. My younger brother and father died only 3 weeks apart reminding me of my frail humanity and also the promise of a long life with my genes. 

But none of these prepared me for the death of a spouse of over 50 years. We shared so much of life together: full-time ministry, times of unemployment, children, joys, sorrows, triumphs, failures, intimacy, and oneness. The two who were joined together as one are now separate. My next step is logically to learn how to grieve. Monday, I will attend a GriefShare group to start the process--one I never expect to end in this lifetime.