Caught off guard

They have told me in my GriefShare class of the triggers that will just pop up when you least expect it. Sunday was one of those days. Worship is hard anyway as for the last 50 years, I have worshiped with my husband, the beautiful, deep bass who vibrated the pew with his voice sitting next to me. Sunday, one of the announcements coming across the screen was: Praise Team--Bass singers needed! Wow, the tears started flowing. Yes, bass singers are needed and especially MY bass singer. I miss his voice every day but especially on Sundays. I don't even want to sit next to a bass singer or have a strong one close by. Hearing the bass voice makes my void bigger and more painful. I am thrilled he is singing in heaven but so miss him here.

A new quote I ran across in one of my grief devotional books is, "Between grief and nothing I will take grief." William Faulkner

Reading it was another one of those aha moments. Having no grief in my life would mean not ever having anything or anyone important enough or loving enough to grieve over. It would truly be sad to go through life and not grieve over a loss. Am I saying I am happy to be in a grieving situation. No, it is painful. I cry. I am lonely. I have a new me to learn. I sleep alone and eat alone. I travel alone. I worship alone. But all of these are in my life because I loved so deeply that now I grieve deeply. How blessed I am to have had a love that causes me to grieve!

Psalm 147:3 - "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  I am truly not alone in my grieving process. God is with me every day holding my hand and binding up my grieving wounds. I serve a loving and compassionate God who knows every tear that runs down my cheeks.He puts band-aids on my grief wounds. He is tender and compassionate. Some days I am covered with band-aids! Thank you God!