Ups and Downs

There are days when I think, "I can get through this just fine." And then something hits me and I just want my sweetie back--even in stroke form. Living with someone for 50 years is a long time to all of a sudden now be totally alone. And when I say totally alone, that can happen. If I am not going out somewhere or have an appointment here at the house, I can go all day without seeing anyone.

Last week I needed a new roof on the house. That is a Jerry job for sure. What do I know about getting bids, listening to roofers tell me what is good and best? How do I know if I am making the right decision or just an OK decision? You don't realize how much you depended on your spouse until he is not there. He took care of all the details of fixing, repairing, building, and financial matters. Can I do it? Yes, there is no other choice now. But does it ever make me miss him all the more!

In my GriefShare class last night, we talked about so many changes you go through following a death. My body can be hit hard physically and react to the grieving negatively. Taking care of myself is even more important now than ever without someone else here to take care of me. The only way to move is forward--there is no going back. I can reminisce about the past, enjoy the wonderful memories of a 50-year marriage but that is all in the past. I have a future to live--without Jerry! That is the hard part!

Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God has it all figured out! I just need to trust in Him to guide me and take His lead!