Remembering

As I sat in worship and took of the emblems of communion, it brought to mind the purpose of communion--to remember. On a recent Sunday, here are the words that came to mind.

Communion

The simple wafer is taken from the tray.

As I put it in my mouth, my mind is focused.

The symbol of Christ’s broken body in my body.

Reminding me of the excruciating pain he endured.

The juice in its little cup comes next.

Blood was shed as Christ’s body was pierced.

The liquid flows down my throat to remind me

Of the precious blood that flowed just for me.

Remembering is what communion initiates.

Reminding me of the salvation that’s mine.

Rejoicing for the sacrificial lamb’s death.

Rededicating my life back in service to God.

         ~ ~  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  ~  ~ ~

We need the weekly reminder to keep the sacrifice in our minds to never forget the immense love indicated by Christ's death. As humans, we need the reminder to help us take our minds off the busyness of this life.

However, with Jerry, I need no reminder to remember him. I still wear my wedding ring. It is so much a part of me after 50 years. Everything in the house reminds me of him. I am sitting in his office at his desk as I write this. The memories are always there--the reminders are everywhere.

So why do we so easily forget about the sacrifice of our Savior? Is our love not strong enough? Do we get over involved in the day-to-day activities? Is our worship of Jesus not embedded into all we do? Remembering His death should be as automatic as remembering my husband.

Maybe I need to add to my morning quiet time how important it is to thank Him for that sacrifice, to tell Him how much I love Him for it; and to commune with Him more than just on Sunday morning. 

Here is the definition of communion:

1. the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level.

1. 2.

   the service of Christian worship at which bread and wine are consecrated and shared.

Yes, there is a Christian definition but I like the other definition of sharing and exchanging intimate thoughts and feelings on a mental or spiritual level. That is exactly what our Lord wants us to do--share with Him all our thoughts on a daily basis!

I Corinthians 11:23-25 - For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, “This is my body, which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” This verse doesn't say we can only take communion on Sunday during worship but says, as often as! We need to be purposeful in making our communion with our Lord daily just as my remembrance of Jerry is daily!

Today I am thankful for:

1. My sister-in-law, Shirley, arriving today for a 2-week visit.
2. Heading to Searcy, AR tomorrow to see a friend of hers and hopefully to see some fall colors.
3. Praying with ladies last night at the prayer session.
4. Our church wanting to reach out to the community with the gospel.
5. Good sleep with the cool nights.
6. Hand bell practice today--what fun!
7. Family.
8. Being a part of God's family.
9. Great memories of Jerry.
10. The memory of Christ's death for us through our communion with Him.

Missing My Other Half!

Southern hospitality was real where I grew up. Our house in Dallas was the center of activity for all kinds of events from wedding receptions, to showers, to rehearsal dinners, to roller skating parties (yes in the driveway when we had the metal skates), to dinners for everyone who came through town. I didn't know there was any other way to be but hospitable. When Jerry and I got married, we immediately started having people over for dinner. He adapted to it well, and we entertained our entire marriage.

As I said in my Celebration of Life talk for Jerry, we were the Mary and Martha couple.  Jerry never met someone he didn't love. He was drawn to people and they to him. He would meet all sorts of people at church, the store, or just wherever and start loving them. We had company over at the house regularly. I was the Martha. I planned, cooked, served, organized the conversation, and put everything away when it was over. We made a complete couple--for 50 years!

Now I still entertain mostly because I have Tim and Lynn here and that makes it easy to invite others over for dinner. We have also gotten involved with the Friends to International Students Association on the OU campus. I have just gotten paired with 3 female students from Korea. Two were able to come to dinner tonight to join with Milad and Arman from Iran. Today was Arman's birthday so we celebrated with a meal and cake and ice cream. Here is a picture of our table guests.

Here is the difficult part. I am just not complete without my Jerry. I love having people over but want my host husband here with me. I want to be able to talk with him after they leave about the people, share warmth with him, and sit on the love seat in exhaustion with him to rest! There isn't a day where I don't miss Jerry--A LOT!

Ephesians 1:11 (NLT) - "Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan." God does make everything work out according to His plan. I don't understand His plan as His thoughts are higher than mine. (Isaiah 55:) I do know people still need to be loved and feel that in this world. These precious souls from Iran have become our family. They are here permanently. I don't know what all God has planned for me, but I know He has it all figured out. I just have to let Him lead and follow. He knows my heart aches for Jerry, and He comforts me.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Attending a composting class this morning to make my composting better!
2. A rainy day but it finally quit.
3. Wonderful fall weather.
4. Cooking wonderful Mexican pile up for dinner tonight.
5. Learning about the Iranian and Korean cultures from our guests tonight.
6. Meeting new friends.
7. Reconnecting with friends from LONG ago.
8. God's beauty still in my garden.
9. The sweet memories of Jerry every day.
10. God making everything work out according to his plan.

I Don't Fit!

It seems I am doing everything right in my grieving process. I am not hiding at home but getting out with lots of people. I am involved in church, teaching a Sunday morning class, running the computer for worship every 6 weeks, singing on praise team monthly, run the video camera for Sunday worship monthly, attend Monday night ladies prayer group, am in a life group on Sunday nights, still involved in Master Gardeners, and attend Bible Study Fellowship.

And yet, so many places I got, I feel so out of place. I need my husband! He is what made me complete. He is the one I could cuddle up to during church, hold his hand during prayers, cuddle with on the love seat to watch a movie, go out to dinner and to the theater. Now I don't fit as a single. It is truly a couples world! I am around people enough not to feel a loneliness throughout the day but there is an emptiness where Jerry fit so beautifully. I miss him!

I will have a house full this weekend so that will help. We are having a dinner with 3 people from church, Tim, Lynn, David, Kelly Ann, and 5 OU students. Two of our Iranian students are coming to celebrate the birthday of one, Lynn has a student from Tiawan, and I have 2 from Korea. There is an association on the OU campus to match families with students so we signed up. It will be great fun! And yet, Jerry would have loved the meet them all!

Tonight was my baby night to spend with the twin boys. They are 10 months old and will be taking off walking soon and are SO adorable! The great grandmother who is fostering them now for 6 months turned 76 this week. Please pray for her strength. She is so ready to do something else. Jerry would have adored helping out with them!

II Samuel 22:21-25 (MSG) - "God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I cleaned up my act, he gave me a fresh start. Indeed I've kept alert to God's ways; I haven't taken God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works, I try not to miss a trick, I feel put back together, and I'm watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes." What an awesome scripture! Amazing! All I need to do is give the single pieces of my life to God, and He gives me a fresh start. I realize it is a process and won't happen overnight. I have been a widow for 10 months now, but it hasn't gotten any easier. Yes, it is bearable but more and more I miss things about being married to my sweet guy. God will take the pieces and rewrite my life!

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Today I am thankful for:

1. A beautiful fall day.

2. Practicing with the hand-bell choir today!

3. My sister-in-law coming in next week from California.

4. Rain to keep the land watered.

5. The ability to get out and see people.

6. A lovely time with the twins tonight.

7. Getting to go to the great grandmother's birthday dinner tomorrow night.

8. God's love every day.

9. The blessing of a church.

10. God taking all the pieces of my life and working to give me a new life.

Sacred Tears

Here is a quote I found during the caregiving days:

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messenger of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." Washington Irving

That says a lot. May our society completely get past the notion that men and boys don't cry and let the experience the healing that can come through the tears. It shows love and not just sadness. It is a way of releasing emotions of healing.

Yesterday I attended the funeral of one of the elders at the church we used to attend. His wife lost her 7-year battle with cancer last week. I feel an immediate bond with someone who loses a spouse, but it is difficult to attend those funerals. I attended visitation and his comment to me was, "I thought I was ready after 7 years." Nope, I was ready with all the arrangements to be made, ready to take over the household maintenance, ready to maintain the garden, but never ready to say that final goodbye!

This week has been one of lots of writing on my book. Because of that, it has also been a week of many tears. Rereading my journal, reliving the days of the stroke, remembering the struggles and the good times with my husband make me shed lots of tears. It is also a healing time to be able to attempt to put those memories in the book and take from them what I learned to move forward with my life.

Judges 4 tells the story of Deborah, the female judge. In verse 14, it says, "Then Deborah said to Barak, “Go! This is the day the Lord has given Sisera into your hands. Has not the Lord gone ahead of you?” So Barak went down Mount Tabor, with ten thousand men following him." I love the way Deborah encouraged Barak to go to battle. She told Barak God had already gotten to the battle and prepared the way for you to go and take the victory. 

God is now going before me in my grieving preparing the way, allowing for tears to flow when needed, and giving me lot of opportunities to share with others. Helping others helps me through the process. The new widower and I were sharing about the stages of grief. Many actually don't hold to that theory any longer. But he said, having stages would mean you would get through all the stages and then be done with the process. There is no end to grieving process--it will go through stages but it is permanent.

Today I am thankful for:

1. Beautiful cool fall weather today.
2. My neighbor with 2 heart stents put in Wednesday home today and feeling good.
3. A good walk this morning with Kelly Ann.
4. Lynn having a successful choir retreat the last 2 days.
5. Sweet time on Thursday with the 10-month old twin boys I help with.
6. Getting several of Jerry's drawings framed and now ready to hang. I included one below. 
7. Wonderful progress this week on my book.
8. Precious memories of Jerry.
9. Tears of strength this week.
10. God going before me to prepare the way before I arrive.

A New Era

A New Era

Inspired by opening renovated auditorium at Alameda Church of Christ, 9/30/18

Today at Alameda, our congregation opened a new era.

We worshiped the first time in our newly renovated auditorium.

Our excitement is growing due to the newness of the building,

But more for the newness of the vision of the shepherds.

It is a new era in the life of this body of Christ.

A new era of committing to carrying out the great commission

Of reaching out to the community where our building abides

To create a dynamic church making a difference in our city.

My own life is in a new era now as a widow.

It is not with the same excitement I start this era.

There are many unknowns in the era of  a widow's life.

As I must travel without the companionship of a husband.

Now I travel alone through the tasks of life.

My house and heart are empty of my husband.

He is no longer blessing me with hugs, kisses, and song.

My heart is heavy with the grief I feel.

But the new era also has a renewed purpose.

God not only held me up though my caregiving,

He continues to hold me up each and every day.

I do not feel alone because He holds me close.

When the waters of baptism wash over you erasing sin,

A new era begins for the fully forgiven Christian.

The new life takes away the guilt of all past sin

And gives grace to cover the future life to come.

The new Christian is not walking that life alone.

The gift of the Holy Spirit is given to indwell.

Providing strength, wisdom, guidance and fortitude.

Never alone but filled with the presence of God.

Embrace the new era of being a Christian today,

Whether you are brand new or saved many years past.

God’s mercies are new every day giving a new beginning

Each day is a new era of your life living in God's mercy.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I have been in this new era 9 months today. Jerry died December 30. I still think I will come home to find him here and often wake up in the morning wondering where he is. Fifty years of marriage was a long time to now be single again.

Last night, I went with Lynn and Kelly Ann to see Music Man. We have always loved musicals and it was a wonderful opportunity to just get out with family. It was a great production, but also full of difficult moments in my grieving. The last time I was in that auditorium at Oklahoma City Community College, Jerry was with me sitting in the row immediately behind the row where I currently sat in a wheelchair. That was a painful memory to be alone now. Of course, one of the most famous songs from Music Man is 76 Trombones. Jerry turned 76 almost 5 months after his stroke. He could not remember his age so every time he couldn't remember, I would hum that song to get him to remember 76. Then, of course, there were the love songs--tough to sit through without tears!

But it was a lovely evening and so glad I was able to attend with these lovely ladies.

Here is a quote from a recent devotional: "I would rather walk with God in the dark than to go alone in the light." Mary Gardiner Brainard, Not Knowing

This quote tied in well with a scripture I used in the class I teach on Sunday mornings. We are studying women in the Bible and today's lesson was about Deborah. Judges 4:14b says, "Has not the Lord gone ahead of you?" Wow, the times He has gone before me in my life cannot even be numbered. Just on my trip, God put people in my life everywhere I went for me to minister to with my new experiences. He continues to do the same and will also for you. What a comforting thought to know God is ahead of us preparing the way for our arrival. He is not always taking the difficulties out of our path but giving us what we need to get around them! Wow, what a thought!

Today I am thankful for:

1. Worshiping in our newly remodeled auditorium.
2. Teaching ladies class at church studying women.
3. Seeing my grandson, David baptized this morning! Praise God. He began a new era in his life.
4. A wonderful Sunday afternoon nap.
5. Tim teaching a great lesson this evening on David and Goliath.
6. Attending an area-wide worship tonight at Oklahoma Christian with great singing.
7. God giving me words to write.
8. My daughters, Lynn and Kelly Ann (adopted) to attend the musical with last night.
9. New friends being developed at my new church.
10. God going ahead of me to prepare the way.

A prayer request: Lynn has had some voice difficulties ever since school started. She is now continuing to suffer with that as well as a massive sinus headache. Pray for healing.

The Path

The Path

Inspired by the hiking path at Linville Falls, North Carolina

The path led me from the parking lot.

It was tree-lined, covered with shade.

The shelter all around covered my head

Giving me a feeling of security as I hiked.

The goal as I hiked were the rushing falls.

I followed along the guided path

And the reward of the views to come

Kept me going over the ups and downs.

As I walked along the defined path,

I noticed many side paths off the main.

Their destination was a mystery to entice

The hiker with the lure of the unknown.

The path also had rocks scattered as I walked

Causing me to take caution with each step

Many stairs took me to the goal of the view

With hand rails to use to steady my steps.

Some of the path was downhill and easier to travel

While other parts were uphill traveled with effort.

The downhills were easier creating a respite

But the uphill took greater strength and focus.

As I walked along the path using ever-increasing strength,

I came along a bench—a place of rest and renewal,

A pace to sit, breathe deeply, and refresh

To once again move farther down the path.

The view at the end of the long and lovely path

Was worth the rocks, steps, upward and downward

Bringing me to see beautiful Linville Falls

Giving me rest, peace, joy, and beauty.

My path through life is similar in many ways.

God defines the path through the beauty of abundant living.

He lays out the goal at the end of our path

And provides eternal rest, peace, joy and beauty.

But along the way, it is often challenging travel.

There are rocks of discouragement, depression, and death.

Some rocks are easy to step over in my way

But others take faith and strength from above.

God often provides hand rails for me to hold

As the path goes sharply up or down

Some paths in my life move easily down

But others take greater strength to upward climb.

Many paths along the way cause my attention to stray.

The mystery of the side path draws me away.

Should I see where that path leads into the woods

Even though it is away from my goal ahead?

God gives me my path and holds my hand each day

To strengthen me every day to move toward the goal.

The path is clearly marked if I seek Him

His word becoming my GPS—God Positioning System.

But Satan is also wanting to be my guide along the path

Providing many side paths to lure me away

Putting rocks in my life to slow me down

And wanting to lead me astray with his deceit.

Follow the defined path God provides

Take the benches of rest in His sheltering arms.

Turn to Him for strength along the way

And arrive safely at the goal—the view of your heavenly home.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

My trip ended last week but the recuperation and getting caught up at home has taken some time. Being gone 3.5 weeks is a very long time. However, I wouldn't have cut it any shorter with all the wonderful people and places I saw. Catching up is just difficult.

Much grieving took place along the way on this trip. The ocean is such a healing place--full of God's power and serenity. I treasured every step I took along the beaches.

Isaiah 25:1 - "Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago." Being able to share what God did for Jerry and I during our 22 months together after the stroke can be summed up in this one verse. God was perfectly faithful. He never left us or let us down once. He did wonderful things day by day giving us the special time He did even though it ended in temporary separation. I know from other verses in Psalm 139 that our lives were planned many years ago and written in a book. I need to spend the rest of my life praising and exalting my God for what He did! Will you join me?

Today I am thankful for:

1. Being able to travel safely as I did for 25 days adding 3,306 miles to my car.
2. Wonderful rain this weekend bringing fall-type temperatures.
3. Seeing my friends, Dick and Jeronia, yesterday in Tulsa as he is recovering from a stroke.
4. Visiting with my brother and sister-in-law, James and Nelda in Tulsa.
5. Finally getting caught up on sleep, mail, and odds and ends after such a long trip.
6. Remembering my sweet guy daily with joy and tears.
7. Having a husband who is worthy of being missed.
8. Safety traveling to Tulsa yesterday in a horrible rain storm.
9. Kelly Ann helping me tonight with projects.
10. Having a God who is worthy of my constant praise for his faithfulness!

The Waterfalls of Life

The Waterfalls of Life

Inspired by Linville Falls, North Carolina

By Lois Cox

Water rushing, constantly rushing

Falling over rocks ever downward

Ever flowing with no end in sight.

Where Why? What? Comes to mind.

Water running ever on its path

Slowing only for a pool to rest.

Then back to the swirling rapids

And the rush builds again.

Life is like a waterfall moving

Starting so small so far from here.

Then building and growing as it moves

Slowly emptying at the end.

As you rush through life,

Enjoy the calming pools

Rest to gather strength

For the rapids still to come.

God is with you in the rush

And He provides the pools of stillness.

God guides your moving path

By creating the channels of life.

The pools of stillness are God’s reprieve.

His way of providing a time of peace.

Draw close to Him in the quiet

And He will meet your needs.

The stillness gives needed rest

And helps to build your strength.

He draws us close to Him

To prepare us for what is next.

Welcome these pools of respite.

Grow in the times of quiet

Because soon you will move again

To the rapids of busy life.

Some day the waters of your life

Will reach its end here

And empty into the ocean of God’s eternity

Where the pools of His love and peace await.

Here is a quote I gleaned from a TED Talk I listened to this week. "Grief is a raging river and you have to get into it because when you do it carries you to the next place. It eventually takes you to open land somewhere where it will turn out OK in the end." ~Simone George. This trip has plunged me into the raging river and helped me immensely in my grieving process. Seeing friends from long ago, ministering to people individually or speaking to them in a group, and being in God's nature has helped me move to a new place farther down the grief journey.

Philippians 1:4-6 - " In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I believe God is doing a good work in my by allowing me to share with others my testimony of His amazing care through my time of caregiving. I know when my work is done here, He will take me home to join Jerry. What a win/win situation!

Today I am thankful for:

1. Wonderful time visiting Nashville.
2. Great renewal of friendship with Sandra from 40 years ago.
3. Stimulating spiritual conversation with Sandra.
4. A quiet place for my morning quiet time on their back porch.
5. The beautiful lake today to sit and visit with Sandra.
6. Learning more about my trip to Israel in March (I am staying with my tour hosts).
7. God's nature and being able to spend time close to God.
8. God's care on my long trip.
9. Being able to share tonight at Sandra's church.
10. God doing a good work in me through my testimony.

Pray for my travels home tomorrow--back to Oklahoma!!!