I Don't Fit!

It seems I am doing everything right in my grieving process. I am not hiding at home but getting out with lots of people. I am involved in church, teaching a Sunday morning class, running the computer for worship every 6 weeks, singing on praise team monthly, run the video camera for Sunday worship monthly, attend Monday night ladies prayer group, am in a life group on Sunday nights, still involved in Master Gardeners, and attend Bible Study Fellowship.

And yet, so many places I got, I feel so out of place. I need my husband! He is what made me complete. He is the one I could cuddle up to during church, hold his hand during prayers, cuddle with on the love seat to watch a movie, go out to dinner and to the theater. Now I don't fit as a single. It is truly a couples world! I am around people enough not to feel a loneliness throughout the day but there is an emptiness where Jerry fit so beautifully. I miss him!

I will have a house full this weekend so that will help. We are having a dinner with 3 people from church, Tim, Lynn, David, Kelly Ann, and 5 OU students. Two of our Iranian students are coming to celebrate the birthday of one, Lynn has a student from Tiawan, and I have 2 from Korea. There is an association on the OU campus to match families with students so we signed up. It will be great fun! And yet, Jerry would have loved the meet them all!

Tonight was my baby night to spend with the twin boys. They are 10 months old and will be taking off walking soon and are SO adorable! The great grandmother who is fostering them now for 6 months turned 76 this week. Please pray for her strength. She is so ready to do something else. Jerry would have adored helping out with them!

II Samuel 22:21-25 (MSG) - "God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I cleaned up my act, he gave me a fresh start. Indeed I've kept alert to God's ways; I haven't taken God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works, I try not to miss a trick, I feel put back together, and I'm watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes." What an awesome scripture! Amazing! All I need to do is give the single pieces of my life to God, and He gives me a fresh start. I realize it is a process and won't happen overnight. I have been a widow for 10 months now, but it hasn't gotten any easier. Yes, it is bearable but more and more I miss things about being married to my sweet guy. God will take the pieces and rewrite my life!

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Today I am thankful for:

1. A beautiful fall day.

2. Practicing with the hand-bell choir today!

3. My sister-in-law coming in next week from California.

4. Rain to keep the land watered.

5. The ability to get out and see people.

6. A lovely time with the twins tonight.

7. Getting to go to the great grandmother's birthday dinner tomorrow night.

8. God's love every day.

9. The blessing of a church.

10. God taking all the pieces of my life and working to give me a new life.