Long time, no hear (from me)!

My trip to Colorado was wonderful and very busy. It seemed there was little time to do much else than visit lots of people Jerry and I had known when we lived there 21 years ago. The two caregiving talks were very well received. There are several more churches I will speak at when I return probably next year.

The laptop I bought on the Black Friday sales almost 3 years ago has been making noises like it was giving up the ghost and was scaring me. My new one arrived yesterday and have been setting it up it seems ever since. There is so much to reestablish on a new machine--setting up all the accounts again, moving my security systems, reinstalling programs, etc., etc. Thankfully, I store everything in the cloud so nothing is lost--not if I can just get the sync to work well with Google Drive!

Enough of excuses for not writing a post! Next week will mark 7 months since my PVBass went to sing tenor and bass in the heavenly choir. You would think I would realize by now the permanence of his death. But as I was sitting in the living room this afternoon, I found myself saying, "He is really not coming back. His life is over here beside me." In a lot of ways, the last 7 months have been a blur of activity which has kept me in an unreal world not accepting the reality of what happened. I talk about him often, "Jerry did this, Jerry said that, we did this, we did that." Being a couple for 50 years is hard to break down to a single life.

God gave me an amazing verse this last week. Isaiah 26:12 - "Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us." God never intended for us to have the chaotic world so many of us seem to live. My life has certainly been more chaotic since I lost my sweet patient. Getting back to normal life involves lots of activity when I long for the peace of my 22 months in caregiving. 

The last half of the verse is wonderful! Anything I have been able to do in sharing my testimony about Jerry has not been me but God doing it through me. When people will tell me after I speak how wonderful my thoughts were, I always try to remember to say something like, "God was truly amazing how He worked with us both through those 22 months." I always want to give the glory back to Him. It is hard to believe He wants to work through me and so grateful He does. His Holy Spirit helps me speak the testimony of God's providential care and helps me say it without too many tears.

Can I have true peace in grieving? Yes, I can because as a Christian I have a hope in heaven. I KNOW Jerry is at home with Jesus the King of Kings and sitting at the throne of God with the Holy Spirit living around him--no longer needed inside him for strength. I have complete peace he is happy and settled in heaven.

Can I have true peace in grieving in my life without him here? Yes, not only do I have the hope of his being in heaven, I have the peace God gives me every night when I get into bed and fall asleep easily. I have the peace I am not alone but have my heavenly support surrounding me every day. I have the peace God will help me make the right decisions in my life left here. I have true peace and am eternally grateful for it!

Today I am thankful for:

1. Air conditioning on a 107 degree day in Oklahoma!

2. Working in my garden briefly before it got to terribly hot this morning.

3. Workmen creating my new handicapped accessible shower just in case!

4. My new laptop and my ability to set it up.

5. The many friendships I reconnected with in Colorado and those Rocky Mountains--wow!

6. David having a nice visit in Japan and now safely arriving in the Philippines until mid August.

7. My sister is still at home and gaining strength.

8. The precious twin boys I help with on Thursday nights--they are SO adorable!

9. The peace I have from my God.

10. God accomplishing things through me. 

I found this plaque in a cute little shop in Ft. Collins, CO.