Jerry Still Within Me

It has been interesting to see how many ways I seem to be copying Jerry in my own personality since he left me 10 months ago. A simple one was his favorite coffee flavor: Highlander Grogg. I ordered it recently from my son-in-law, Tim, and found it is my new favorite as well. I really like the flavor but also feel a part of Jerry when I drink it.

My sweetie was such a people person--a true Mary where I have always been a Martha. I am trying to incorporate more of that Mary personality into mine. I am just a partial person without Jerry. When you marry someone, the two become one flesh and we enjoyed that for 50 years. I am not complete without him making me want to take on more of his personality.

Then there is my writing. Jerry loved to write and wrote all the time. He was an excellent writer, very creative with words. However, Jerry was a starter and not a finisher. I had never written much (other than newsletters, bulletins, and all my Ph.D. work) until CaringBridge came along. Writing every day proved to be so therapeutic for me. Now in writing my book, I am also finding great joy in the writing process. This has been a week for real focus on the writing of my 22 Months with Jerry, Living the Abundant Life Caregiving with God. I am into September in my journal as I am reading and writing our story. So far I have 17 chapters in the book. Here is a listing of the chapters:

1. The Day Our Lives Changed Forever
2. What Do I Do Now?
3. Training for My New Job During the Skilled Nursing Days
4. Home Alone with Home Health
5. The New Normal
6. The Climax of the 50th
7. Creating a Network of Support
8. Fighting for the One You Love--Put on Those Boxing Gloves
9. Finding a Sanctuary for Survival While Being a Captive in Your Own Home
10. Life on a Pirate Ship
11. Weakness Means Strength
12. Thank You for the Struggles
13. Caring for the Man Who is No Longer the Same
14. Planning for the End and Living Day-to-Day--The Practical Side
15. When the End Comes
16. My Favorite Devotionals from the 22 Months
17. My Personal Psalms

Jeremiah 30:2 - “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you.'" God and I had a very close relationship during the 22 months I was a caregiver. No, I didn't receive a direct call from God like this one where He spoke to me audibly. However, I have received encouragement from several of my readers and feel passionate about sharing our story. I am laying it in God's hands to do whatever He wants done with the book. Of course, I would enjoy sharing my story not only though the book but also through speaking to tell our testimony. You have to have a test in order to have a testimony, and did I ever have a test!

Our first freeze came last night--about a week earlier than our average. The picture below is my Mexican Bush Sage, an annual which I cut in time to enjoy the blossoms a little longer. I am also trying to take a cutting and root it for next year. 

Today I am thankful for:

1. The changing of the seasons and cooler temps.
2. The garden going to sleep for the winter to return in its glory next spring.
3. Going to Panera by myself today and not crying until I was ready to leave--progress!
4. Great neighbors! Bert helped me get my small chest freezer out of my car and in its proper place in the garage.
5. Having such a wonderful story to tell about our 22 months together.
6. The reminders of God's greatness to us during those days.
7. The love we shared for so many years and was so special toward the end.
8. Facing Thanksgiving with thanks in my heart for my marriage.
9. A new kitchen/dining floor going in Monday.
10. The compelling drive I have to write my book telling God's story.